Over 13 years ago, I walked down the aisle and married my husband. While we were dating, I sported hair that went down past my shoulders, about half-way down the curve of my back. I took the time to actually curl my hair every morning. Being of Asian descent, I am blessed with "luscious", heavy, and thick black hair that requires intense heat in order to behave in any semblance of style.
Cut to a few months after the marriage. I had ensnared my man. Time to reduce my daily prep time. So, off went about 4-5 inches of hair. I got myself a "pert" bob. Off went the sex appeal. Hey - I'm off the market, why bother with the work, right?
"FALSE ADVERTISING!" screamed my new husband. Never mind that he has now permanently relegated me to laundry duty when he used to share the job while we were in the getting-to-know-you phase.
My hair never truly went past my shoulders during the years it took to get pregnant with 3 children. As most moms can attest, unless you're willing to permanently pull your hair up in a ponytail, havin
g short hair is in the "Book of Mom" manual. Ponytails bug. They make it easy for somebody to tug at me. They only look good on women that don't have a flat head. Oh, and they prevent you from sitting up straight in your car if you're not at least 5'4". Seriously, car seats were not designed for short people with ponytails. Try it. You can't drive past 5 miles, I guaranty it.So, dear hubby lived with the wife that now had a bob. In short - I looked like the mom that I am. Granted, I never took to wearing mom jeans. But that's probably because they don't make it in almost- midget sizes.
Kids grow up. Work's ongoing. Soccer becomes part of our lifestyle. Homework is part of our daily rhythm. Dinner consists of anything that can be heated up in 15 minutes. Life gets hectic and I'm lucky if I get 15 minutes uninterrupted time in the bathroom to hide while I read the latest chick lit. Face time with anybody isn't possible. Facebook is my only window to my friends' worlds. Virtual has replaced actual interaction.
Time to visit a salon for a decent haircut ranks about 58 in my list of priorities. Slowly, slowly, slowly the bob has become haircut that my husband once considered "hot". Sure, it's decidedly feminine. But let me tell you, why having long hair is a pain:
- It takes more time to blow dry your hair. When every single minute counts because you need to be at work exactly at 8:35 am every morning, blow drying hair is a luxury.
- Brushing your teeth becomes an art form. When you use your hands to cup water to rinse with, you need to always remember to push your hair back, otherwise you've just managed to wet the hair you just finished blow-drying. Buying disposable cups goes against my environmentally friendly, waste reduction conscious bathroom routine. And it takes too much effort to bring bathroom cups downstairs to the dishwasher and replace it with a new one. Seriously - you have to think about this shit.
- You have to spend more money on shampoo AND conditioner because you use so much more of it. DUH!
- There's a lot more hair that you have to clean up off the bathroom floor. When your hair is jet black and your tile floor is beige, piles of hair just look disgusting. It doesn't matter whether or not you're anal retentive. Hair on the floor is just yucky. And walking barefoot on all that hair makes the gross-factor go up even further.
- Gray hair is all that more obvious. There's nothing worse than being in denial about reaching middle-age and seeing long strands of gray flying by your face when the wind whips your hair about.
- Eating soup is out of the question unless you have a hair clip handy to push the hair back. There's nothing worse that smelling like Korean BBQ all day because your hair's soaked in the delicious smells at the all you can eat buffet you went to for lunch. Sure, the smell's not that unpleasant. But the smell teases you all day. And then you snack on whatever's handy because all you can think of is chomping on that smell.
- The worse reason of all - you can't wear any sleeveless clothes, especially while sleeping. Have you ever had hair stuck in your armpits? No - I'm not talking about armpit hair that's meant to be stuck in your armpits. I shave that hair, thank you very much. I'm talking about getting hair growing from your scalp. You can't even turn your head because the hair's constricted your movement. Bet you've never even considered this, have you? Well let me tell you. It sucks. Like when you're in the middle of screaming because your daughter just scored a soccer goal and you turn your head and BAM! Whiplash!
All I'm saying is -men, next time you tell your lady-friend that she should consider growing her hair long, consider the above. Sure, long hair may be symbolic of a carefree, spirited, young girl. But let me tell you, it comes with a price and you'll be bearing the cost. She'll make you pay in some form or another, just like Medusa did. I'm still making my husband pay. A beer here. A foot massage there. Downstairs speakers. A new IPAD 2. Wait - maybe it is worth it :-)
